Exercise: Trauma Timeline

Feb-Mar 1973 ~ Approximately conceived.

November 3, 1973 ~ Parents are married.

December 21, 1973 ~ Born in Cleveland, Ohio, 24 days past the due date.  Have been told by mother that father accused her of sleeping around, that I could not be his child.  Was told for as far back as I can remember by siblings from father’s previous marriage that he was not my dad and that nobody knew who my dad was; mother has always insisted that it’s not true.  At time of birth, family consisted of parents; Curt (14), Sherry (12), Terry (11), Bobby (5).  Mother has stated that my father has been physically, emotionally and verbally abusive for as long as she’s known him.

1974 ~ (Age 0-12 months)  Very sickly throughout first year of life; hospitalized numerous times; mother says I grew to have fear of hospitals and doctors.

September 1975 ~ (Age 20-21 months)  Moved to Titusville, Florida.  Family at time of move consisted of parents; Curt (15), Terry (12), Bobby (7), myself.  Sherry had already begun running away.

December 2, 1975 ~ (Age 23 months)  Sister, Melanie, born.

Spring/Summer 1976 ~ (Age 2)  Brother, Matthew Stephen, miscarried.

1977 to 1979 ~ (Ages 3-5)  First church experiences; Church of God.  Ended in 1979; father insisted on it, next three years of weekends was spent working flea markets.

Sometime 1978 ~ (Age 4)  Sexual abuse began, both of myself and witnessing my sister’s.  I quit speaking for eight months; lots of medical tests, no problems found other than inability to speak.  Curt and Terry had moved out sometime prior; Bobby was 10, my younger sister was 2; Bobby began molesting us both at the same time and in front of each other.

August 1978 ~ (Age 4)  Started Kindergarten at age four (South Lake Elementary); had gained three words back by time I started school.

January 1979 ~ (Age 5)  Placed in special ed class due to severe communication problems (Switched to Riverview Elementary and then Oak Park Elementary for special services).

August 1979 ~ (Age 5)  Repeated Kindergarten.

1981 or 1982 ~ (Age 7 or 8)  Transferred back to original school (South Lake Elementary) and to traditional classroom setting sometime in second grade.

Spring 1982 ~ (Age 8)  Sexual abuse (by brother) was stopped; discovery was kept secret, father refused to acknowledge abuse had happened.  Mother, sister, and I were all called liars.  Couple months later, mother tried to kill herself, I came home from school to find emergency vehicles in front of our house; mother hospitalized for a long time, leaving sister and I alone with father who refused to acknowledge the abuse from our brother and with a brother who saw nothing wrong with what he had done.  Was lied too about mother attempting suicide; was told story about person coming into our home and trying to kill her, was told person was never found and arrested.  Spent years being afraid the person would come back again.  Parents were too ashamed to tell us the truth or else felt we wouldn’t be old enough to understand.  Got started up at First Baptist Church of Titusville while mother was still being hospitalized.  Bobby was 13, younger sister was 6.

1982 or 1983 ~ (Age 8 or 9)  Molested by brother’s two friends after he told them the things he did with my sister and I.  Bobby was either 13 or 14; his friends were roughly the same age.

Spring 1983 ~ (Age 9)  Talked 3^rd grade classmate into masturbating me in the school bathroom.  Classmate told someone and was transferred to one of the other 3^rd grade classes.  I had to testify against my brother about the sexual abuse.  Was beaten severely by father the same day after testifying was over.  Would be seven to eight years later before I’d feel safe enough to speak about the sexual abuse again.  Brother was immediately removed from the home; father told me from that point on until my early-20’s that I was the reason our family was ripped apart and the one at fault anytime something went wrong.  Started counseling, supposedly for sexual abuse, but refused to speak with anyone about it.  Bobby was 14, my younger sister was 7.  Failed the 3^rd grade.

1984 to 1985 ~ (Ages 10 – 11)  Mother fled with sister and I to domestic violence shelter numerous times because of father’s violence.  Several disruptions from school; different school while living in the shelter.

Spring 1985 ~ (Age 11)  Failed the 5^th grade.

August 1986 ~ (Age 12)  Brother had 18^th birthday; was released by the State.  Fights between parents; father kept giving permission for brother to move back in with us.  Mother kept threatening to take us again and leave.  Spent many nights sleeping on floor beside parents’ bed because of brother being back in the home.  Mother took us and hid us among various relatives in West Virginia for roughly a month before returning back to our father again.

August 1988 ~ (Age 14)  Started at James Madison Middle School.

May 1989 ~ (Age 15)  First remembrance of wanting to kill myself.

Fall 1989 ~ (Age 15)  Grades started suffering badly again.

Spring 1990 ~ (Age 16)  Was removed from traditional classroom setting and placed in special program for potential/high-risk dropouts because of threatening to fail a grade for the third time (other grades were 3^rd and 5^th).

August 1990 ~ (Age 16)  Started at Astronaut High School.

Summer 1991 ~ (Age 17)  Forbidden by parents to continue going to First Baptist Church; switched over to Temple Baptist Church (remember being extremely upset at parents over the switch – changing churches, youth groups, whole new crowd of teenagers and was pretty slow to make new friends).

Sometime 1991 ~ (Age 17)  Father looks me straight in the eye and declares that I’m not his daughter; remember feeling extreme hurt, denial, betrayal even though siblings from father’s previous marriage had been telling me for years.  Mother again insists it’s not true.

Fall 1991 ~ (Age 17)  Started skipping 4-5 classes a day out of the 7; turned very rebellious; received numerous detentions and Saturday schools.

Throughout 1992 ~ (Age 18)  Sister ran away numerous times to escape abuse from our father; ran away February, May, September, and December).

Spring 1992 ~ (Age 18)  Second remembrance of wanting to kill myself; specifically slitting my wrists.

Fall 1992 ~ (Age 18)  Started taking night classes at Brevard Community College to transfer them over to high school transcript.

January 1993 ~ (Age 19)  Learned sister was pregnant; caused a lot of problems at church.

July 1993 ~ (Age 19)  Nephew was born; started being expected to help care for him daily because sister only would if she felt like it.

January 1994 ~ (Age 20)  Graduated from Astronaut High School at end of 1^st semester.

February 1994 ~ (Age 20)  Moved with family to Nebo, West Virginia.  Extremely upset over the move; felt was leaving EVERYTHING I’d ever known, everyone I knew.  Did not have internet at the time, was not allowed to make long-distance calls, most teenage friends were NOT into letter writing, did not have own car, no Baptist churches at all in the area.  Tried churches of two other different sets of beliefs; ended up going 4 ½ months without any church.

Spring 1994 ~ (Age 20)  Was screamed at by sister, “you threatened to tell, why didn’t you tell?”  Was first time realized she had memories of the sexual abuse, had never talked about it before.  Also, first time realized we managed to share a memory (one of mine is of the one time I got up the courage to threaten him.  In retaliation, he threatened to kill my mother; I had been 7 or 8).  Third remembrance of wanting to kill myself (specifically, watching the brush fire and having the urge to let myself just fall into it).  Had yet to tell anybody about numerous urges to kill myself over the last several years.

June 1994 ~ (Age 20)  Sister moved out leaving her baby behind; was gone for 6 weeks.  Parents gained physical custody of my nephew.  Accused us of turning her baby against her when she moved back in because he would no longer turn to her when he needed or wanted something.  She couldn’t seem to get it that an 11-12 month old baby doesn’t have long-term memory yet.

August 1994 ~ (Age 20)  Moved from Nebo, WV to outside of Ripley, WV; 1^st move I ever looked forward too.  Got started up at the Ripley Baptist Temple.

January 1995 ~ (Age 21)  Started at the West Virginia University – Parkersburg (Jackson County Center location).

June 1995 ~ (Age 21)  Teenage sister gave birth to second nephew; started problems at the new church; sister still only interacted with the babies when she felt like it, I started helping to care daily for two kids.

May 1998 ~ (Age 24)  Sister moved out for 2 ½ weeks leaving both boys behind.  Nephews were 23-months and 3 1/2 years.

Mid-late 1999 ~ (Age 25)  Sister moved out for third and final time leaving both boys behind; parents gained custody of second nephew.  Nephews were 3 and 5-years.

Over next 7 years ~ Sister made several attempts to regain custody of both boys.  Each time was with a different judge, different guardian ad-litum, same answer of denial each time due to physical abuse of older son.  Felt a threat of the possible loss of both boys every time because of helping to raise them daily since each of their births.

May 2002 ~ (Age 28)  Graduated from the West Virginia University with an RBA (emphasis in psychology, German history, computers).

August 2002 ~ (Age 28)  Started college at Appalachian Bible College; first real break from home, first long-term exposure to peace from father’s abuse; extremely difficult leaving nephews behind, had raised them daily for seven and nine years.

October 2003 ~ (Age 29)  Suicidal urges started up and became unending for the first time; told someone for the first time, was put under a few restrictions in order to stay at the school.

March 2004 ~ (Age 30)  Confronted mother while home over Spring Break; mother states that she did see things between Bobby and I during the years of sexual abuse but tried to convince herself that those things had not been what they had looked like (that she hadn’t really seen what she had).  Struggled with extreme feeling of betrayal and failure from my mother; wondering if sexual abuse might of stopped a lot sooner if she’d acknowledged what she been seeing or had at least questioned it.

April 2004 ~ (Age 30)  Started hearing voices, was terrified of them, became severely suicidal; went from being under what felt like a few restrictions at the school to being under a multitude of them; turned rebellious towards the school and everyone over top of me.  Mother was told for the first time (as far as I know).

August 2004 ~ (Age 30)  Mother helped me in being able to move out from under my father and into my first apartment; had no money-management skills (had never been allowed to, mother handled ALL the money, had never allowed a bank account).  Had no car, knew no one in the area of the apartment, was warned to stay away from neighbors because of the condition of the neighborhood.  Was on medication for depression but with no oversight by the doctor.

October 2004 ~ (Age 30) Depression had gradually worsened to severe.  Was having dreams that I needed to cut my hands off.  No transportation and fear of neighborhood led to what the hospital ended up calling self-isolation.  Was hospitalized for 9 days in the Beckley Area Regional Hospital for severe depression and suicidal ideations.

November 2004 ~ (Age 30)  Evicted from apartment; moved in with friend from the Bible College.

Nov 2004-Apr 2008 ~ (Ages 30-34)  Lived with friend, received counseling both secular and Christian, learned skills to be successful on my own, first real time of learning what it felt like to be safe from others.

April 2008 ~ (Age 34)  Moved into my second apartment in downtown Beckley.

Nov 2008-Apr 2010 ~ (Ages 34-36)  Attempted both foster-adopt and private adoptions.

Nov 2009 ~ (Age 35)  Moved from downtown Beckley to Prosperity (best move in my life!).

March 2010 ~ (Age 36)  Began counseling for complex post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, and suicidal ideations stemming from the four years of sexual abuse and 30 years of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse.

Today…..